Last week we talked about how to identify when you are a in a controlling relationship and how to cope with a controlling person in your life. This week we are talking about how to tell if YOU are a controlling person.
Of the people who say they are not controlling 70% of those same people are more than likely controlling. It is hard to tell if you are a controlling person. So what are some of the characteristics of a controlling person?
Signs of a Controlling Person
1. Are you a perfectionist? People who have perfectionist tendencies are more likely to have a controlling personality. Because of the strong desire to have perfection you tend to extend your views onto other people.
2. Does it always have to be your way? If you always have to have your way this is a strong indicator that you may be a controlling person.
3. Do you expect other people to have the same principles and work ethics as you? A controlling person tends to have high and unrealistic expectations of others without considering the circumstances that person maybe facing.
4. Do you find yourself constantly coaching other people in their lives when your life is in disarray? Many people try to establish order in others lives to compensate for their inability to bring order to their own life.
5. Do you issue a lot of threats? A controlling person will issues threats to retain control over other people.
How do You become a Controlling Person?
So where does this controlling personality come from? It mainly comes from one’s own insecurity and desire to feel more powerful and in control of his/her own life. Have you ever seen someone at work receive a promotion at work and then their attitude towards others changes. It may be that that person doesn’t know how to deal with the extra authority and begins to dominate others. Because of the extra authority there is an artificial need to have the respect and submission of others. In the same way we have a desire to feel that our role in this life is significant and carries importance in others lives.
How to Stop being a Controlling Person
A controlling attitude is hard to notice when you are the one being controlling. Here are a few things you can do to counteract the a controlling attitude.
1. Lower your expectations of others. This may sound bad at first, but if you have a controlling personality your expectations are already too high. You must learn to let others live their life and not expect them to do things your way.
2. Let It Go! It’s hard to not take things personally when you are a controlling person. Understand that when others don’t want to do things your way it doesn’t mean they don’t like you or think less of you. They are individuals with a different perspective. They may have a different way of doing things and it may turn out to be better.
3. Be Accountable. Get an honest, even tempered person to help you realize when you are being controlling.
Here is a link to the exercise we detailed on the show about counteracting a controlling attitude:
How to Stop Being Controlling